May 31, 2011 § 5 Comments

there is something about the familiar that is comforting. whether it is the smell of your regular coffee in the morning or the feel of your sheets at home or even the ubiquitous houston humidity, it is comforting. when we got off the plane and i felt that moist, warm air, it was oddly soothing. and my hair immediately began to protest.

we are staying with david’s brother john, who lives a block from the condo we lived in 22 years ago. more memory lane activity. john has graciously loaned us his car and lives close to md anderson cancer center, which makes a hard situation easier. and spending time with john is always fun! john is a partner in a custom home building company, ( check out the stunning homes they build! yesterday he took us to a swanky new mexican restaurant for lunch called TQLA. yum.

after that we headed north to our former home town, the woodlands, to hang out with our dear friends, bob and elizabeth vaughn and ty and prissy snelling. bob, elizabeth and prissy all went to middle school and high school together and ty was david’s roommate at ut. lots of history equals lots of laughs. we all lived close to each other in the woodlands when all our kiddos were little and had “pizza night” every friday night for 6 years. the familiarity of longtime friends is glorious and the laughter and joy are probably a little peek through the curtain into heaven.

this morning we were at the hospital at 7:30 to start the diagnostic process. as we walked into the familiar lobby of md anderson, although 15 years later from david’s treatment, we were heading down another memory lane. more twilight zone-ish though. we got registered, insurance hoops jumped through, met with the nurse, met with the p.a., met with the dr, met with the scheduler, got blood work done, had 2 chest xrays and were back in the car at noon. tomorrow i have a ct scan and pet scans and get to drink all kinds of yummy radioactive stuff. yet to be scheduled is another biopsy. we are praying that can be done before our scheduled return to denver on friday. although we don’t have any answers as to what is going on yet, i am grateful and confident that we are pointed in the right direction.

mostly though i am grateful for how God blesses us. even in the middle of this crummy spot in our journey are these fabulous ways He comforts us and shows His love…time with family, lots of laughter with dear friends, mexican food and wonderful memories. even humidity.

2 corinthians 1:3-5
praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God. for just as we share abundantly in the sufferings of Christ, so also our comfort abounds through Christ.


may: not what i expected

May 27, 2011 § 6 Comments

the first of may i noticed a swollen lymph node on my neck and thought i must be getting sick with the same throat thing liza had the week before. minus the sore throat and fever. by the end of the week i looked like i had swallowed a nerf football, had seen 4 different doctors and my dentist, was on 3 antibiotics, 3 rounds of steroids, had an ultrasound and was not getting better. the next week i had a mri which revealed under all that swelling (which thankfully had started to recede) was a mystery growth/mass/tumor. on to an ent who scheduled a biopsy which revealed “inconclusive” results, not a benign cyst but not sure what it is.

at this point, david and i decided to do what we have advised so many others to do in the 15 years since he had cancer, seek the expert care at md anderson cancer center in houston. we have been praying for clear direction and wisdom on discerning what is going on. when i spoke with mda one of the things they said in response to my uncertainty, was that they would “figure out what is going on. we will give you a clear diagnosis. and we love to tell people they don’t have cancer.” we leave on sunday and are excited to stay with david’s brother and spend time with our dear friends in the woodlands. that is a wonderful blessing in the midst of this. i will be updating here on my blog from houston. i am so grateful for the many, many prayers. through them He is sustaining us with His love and peace.

may has certainly not been what i expected. and i am not sure what the next week will hold for us. but i am sure of more important things.

i am sure of God and His relentless, amazing love for us. (romans 8 :38-39)
i am sure of His sovereignty over all things. (psalm 103:19)
i am sure i will struggle and i am sure He will meet me there with His grace. (2 cor. 12:9, hebrews 4:16 )
i am sure that He has tremendous beauty and blessing to be revealed in this unknown, often dark road. (isaiah 45:3)
i am sure of His peace that surrounds me which i don’t generate or even understand. (isaiah 26:3, phil. 4:6-8)
and i am sure that He is good and i can trust Him completely.

“i trust in you, LORD;
i say, “You are my God.”
my times are in your hands.”
psalm 31: 14-15a

button has been super happy with me being sick because her favorite place to be is in my lap. :0)

He is all i need.

May 24, 2011 § 4 Comments

just a pretty picture, not relevant.

i am waiting this morning on a phone call to hopefully give me answers to some health problems i have been having this month. even that sentence is frustrating…a month , a month of pain and confusion and hard. but as i wait some things have been striking me as beautiful.

i don’t wait alone. He is with me in the deepest places of my soul, where no one else can reach. He is all i need.

worry is like a mosquito. it is a small annoying thing that flits around me and threatens to bite and leave behind an annoying itch or possibly a fatal disease. i swat at it continually. worry is me not trusting, worry is me saying my life is supposed to go this way and if it doesn’t then you are wrong, God. i am grateful for reminders to trust Him. who better to direct my life than the One who loves me and cares for me and knows what is best. i remember and trust. He is all i need.

i rest and don’t feel rested. yet i rest in Him and there is a deep settling of my heart into a place it was fitted for. He is all i need.

memories of His faithfulness are sustaining. i remember the words of the hymn i have sung for as long as i can remember. He has always been faithful. even when i was unaware and exercising a sort of atheism, He was faithful. “all i have needed, thy hand has provided.” He is all i need.

i chose the word “blessed” for 2011. turning my heart eyes, my mind eyes to this truth reminds me of His grace. this life i live, no matter how painful or difficult, is a gift of grace. for even in the pain, i experience Him. what is more grace-full than a God, a Father, a Friend who is present in brokenness. He is all i need.

and always, He is seeking me. how can that be right? that He would seek a faithless wayward heart? and yet He does. and it is all undone by His gentle hands, the impatience, the “what ifs?”, the frustration, the exhaustion. He is all i need.

“our God gives you everything you need, makes you everything you’re to be.”

2 thessalonians 1:2 MSG

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