let’s do the twist!

June 20, 2011 § 3 Comments

seriously, if i had known what these last two months would entail, i would’ve started taking dramamine. twists and turns are great for roller coasters, novels and dance moves but in life, it is…disorienting! (and why is the word “drama” included in dramamine? i must look into this.)

we returned to md anderson expecting to schedule surgery to remove the tumor. but instead, the surgeon informed us that the pet and ct scans of the tumor looked “ill defined” and he was reluctant to remove it due to the resulting facial scarring and deformity. (uh, HOORAY!) he thought that it could just be a mass of infection! (more HOORAY!) he and the oncologist decided that they wanted to repeat the mri and compare those results with the mri from a month ago. i had the mri on friday and now, once again, we are again waiting on test results.

since this health crisis began on may 2nd i have seen numerous doctors, had a kajillion tests and the diagnosis attempts have gone from staph infection, abscessed tooth, perotid stone, lymph node infection, tumor indicating lymphoma, benign or malignant perotid tumor and now back to infection, potentially perotiditis. i have seen more doctors in 60 days than i have in my whole life! and i am grateful to have had all of these wonderful minds try to figure this out.

though not loving the process so much, i have loved the way i have experienced God…in waiting rooms, in lots of resting(even napping!), in mri tubes, in loss of plans and in constant weakness. He is beautifully faithful.

i think the tendency is to try to understand why this is happening and what God is trying to “teach me.” this medical mystery was not my plan for may and june. among other things, i wanted to finish the book i am writing and spend july in uganda at musana children’s home. it seemed to me that both these fit nicely with “God’s will.” why would He then allow this? i have absolutely no idea.

i can’t understand His mind but i can know His heart. and i can trust and surrender my heart to His heart. His heart can orient mine in this disorienting life…

because He builds the best, most exciting and gut-wrenching roller coaster ride lives; He writes the most thrilling, page-turning stories in our stories and He gives grace to twist and turn to the best music ever written, His song of love.

one of the blessings of our trips to houston has been spending time with david's brother john (and his dog, ellis!)

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§ 3 Responses to let’s do the twist!

  • jackie griesemer says:

    Always wondering how you are and praying that the news you get is good. I know your faith is strong and that God is an ever-present Presence in your life, but I’ll be glad when you can call it DONE and you’re back to writing your book and enjoying your summer. Soon, dear Lord, soon…..
    jackie

  • Joni Bradley says:

    Kay,
    Thank you for sharing your heart with us. We are praying for answers to this rollercoaster, thankful for all the doctors @ mda! I’m sure this had brought back memories of davids c. Let us know if we can do anything! Hold fast to our promises, you are morethan a conqueror in Christ Jesus!
    Love, Joni

  • Renee Crosby says:

    Faithful sister in Christ, I offer a vision I have from your sharing, in hopes of providing some encouragement. While the docs are looking at your tumor, there is the whole body. Translate that to having and doing God’s will, and that being taken off of the plate and wondering what God is up to. Well, there is the big picture that he sees, not just the May and June plan. “For I know the plans I have for you.” Rest in that as He is working all of this for glory and a beautiful testimony to His grace. Prayers and grace for you and your family right now. — Renee Crosby

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